dun really know what i should say public.. the past 2 months really reflect the last 5 years of my life, i am so indecisive can't hold onto my stand firmly.
INDECISIVE/ FICKLEMINDED
The two woman in my life. 颖/贤 (the order is the same)
颖 - she has been someone that i like during my secondary school days we shared the same class during secondary 1 and 2 but went different class after the streaming, she's someone that always smiling like there is no evil or bad things in her world, even if there is she would just hide her feelings and not express it, waited for her for 3 years and then inbetween then and now there is the 1 year 6 months. i have grew up, more matured know how to manage things better in other words i have changed, i do not really know if my feelings for her is still the same as before, as after going out together it feels different. The love that i say i have for her may be only in the head or there is still in the heart i really do not know, and all along she did not confess about her feelings till now, telling me she loves me. She is a very shy girl and when she confess i know it takes alot of courage. Thank you, if she were to confess while we are in the secondary school days my whole life will not be what i am currently having. It will be totally different. Time may have cause my feelings to fade.
贤 - she as been someone that i like before i started to like 颖 but we didn't really do anything about it and so it faded off and she kind of became my love advisor we shared the same class during secondary 1 and 2 and same english class during secondary 3 and 4. Always helpful and kind. then during our secondary school life we didn't really have much interaction except i hug her when i am in my lowest point always find her a very nice girl. She kind of walk the path with me, and we got together just before the seconday 4 O levels when i have let go of 颖 as maybe i was young and didn't really dare to do much for a relationship. We were together for 1 year and 5 months the time we had together was wonderful, a true relationship until i was shaken by many thoughts. I only like saw the bad point in her, her attitude towards me during her birthday where i tried so hard to make it the most wonderful day for her but it just wasn't, that have impacted me alot, she loves me. Then our relationship ended, then we got back together after 1 month of vacation, and i was shaken again and now i am in this situation.
When i am with 贤 i think of 颖 it is because i had never went out with 颖 before, and when i am with 颖 i think of 贤 because the feeling that i thought i would have is different , you will truely know how you feel only when you are dating that person, the empty words of how i love you is no longer worth anything. My words are worthless, i love you yet i do not love you. i will never leave you but i left you. I shall not say i love you or i will never leave you anymore till i am really sure of it.
Current situation is i took a break from both, decided to really think about what to do after the common test and really hate it that i have affected the both of you, i feel like a jerk, so fickleminded ending up hurting people. Maybe i shall remain single.
I am very sorry to have hurt both of you, love will end up hurting people, sorry.
i blogged!
DisClaimer
This is me... RPZK..
The One & ONLI
if you come to my blog u will know who am i
so there is nothing to intro about